when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people when they died
job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job
*mobile blogs in front of computer*
my new favorite sushi place
Not all men are
as straight as me. Im so heterosexual that i cant go 10 minutes without looking at a séxy lady or else i’ll pass out! Whenever i look a man in the eye on accident i make the sign of the cross over my chest and whisper “no homo.” Boy do i love sports and and hot women. My girlfriend ditched me because i cant stand within 5 feet of another man. I am so alone
why do they even include 2014 as an option when selecting your birth year online like u fresh out the womb ready to join gmail
we all know this bitch who says “i can’t draw that well” and then they’re like
Dey gone for a reason… Might come back fuck up again I can’t risk that.
when you did something by yourself and you want people to know who did it
amazing spider-man (2014) #2
cashier: that’ll be $4.20