callieohpeee:

when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people when they died

kismaayo:

job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job

puncircumcised:

*mobile blogs in front of computer*

in the year 2015… nobody know how to read or write. everything emoji
sadfriencl:

my new favorite sushi place

sadfriencl:

my new favorite sushi place

agendr:

nurato:

Not all men are

as straight as me. Im so heterosexual that i cant go 10 minutes without looking at a séxy lady or else i’ll pass out! Whenever i look a man in the eye on accident i make the sign of the cross over my chest and whisper “no homo.” Boy do i love sports and and hot women. My girlfriend ditched me because i cant stand within 5 feet of another man. I am so alone

averagefairy:

why do they even include 2014 as an option when selecting your birth year online like u fresh out the womb ready to join gmail

teamrocketing:

we all know this bitch who says “i can’t draw that well” and then they’re like

image

sasukeapologist:

postpunkdad:

fall in love with someone who looks at you the way naruto looks at sasuke

image

obstract:

Dey gone for a reason… Might come back fuck up again I can’t risk that.

obstract:

Dey gone for a reason… Might come back fuck up again I can’t risk that.

unclefather:

when you did something by yourself and you want people to know who did it

unclefather:

when you did something by yourself and you want people to know who did it

epicreads:

The Epic Reads Glossary —>

amazing spider-man (2014) #2

landorus:

cashier: that’ll be $4.20

me: bruh

cashier: bruh